Know how to make a small fortune in the stock market? ...
Start with a large fortune.

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Bartender to pink elephant: "He's not here yet."

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Twenty prisoners escaped from a chain gang. They got past the guard by
posing as a giant charm bracelet.

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One goldfish to another: "If there's no god, who changes the water?"

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Know what's good for mosquitoes? ....
Let 'em bite you. They enjoy that.

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Bystander: "I see you are putting up a new building."
Foreman: "This company has a strict policy. We never put up an old one."

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"What are you doing?"

Baby lion: "I'm chasing a hunter around a tree."

"How many times have I told you not to play with your food?"