Mexican Words of the Day

1. *Cheese* The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom* When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. *Shoulder* My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. *Texas* My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. *Herpes* Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. *July* Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. *Rectum* I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. *Chicken* I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken goherself.

9. *Wheelchair* We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair.

10. *Chicken* *wing* My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11. *Harassment* My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

12. *Bishop* My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

13. *Body wash* I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. *Budweiser* That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

A man told the doctor he had severe neck pains, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells. After a thorough examination, the doctor said there was no mistake about it -- he had only two months to live. The doomed man decided to spend all his money and enjoy his remaining life. First, he'd get something he always longed for -- a dozen tailor-made silk shirts.

While measuring him, the tailor said, "That's a size 17 neck."

"Hold on," said the man, "I wear a 15 1/2."

The tailor remeasured him: "You're definitely size 17".

The man insisted: "I'm a 15 1/2. I always wear a 15 1/2, and that's what I want."

"Okay," said the tailor, "but if you wear a 15 1/2, you'll have severe neck pains, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells."

Know how to make a small fortune in the stock market? ...
Start with a large fortune.

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Bartender to pink elephant: "He's not here yet."

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Twenty prisoners escaped from a chain gang. They got past the guard by
posing as a giant charm bracelet.

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One goldfish to another: "If there's no god, who changes the water?"

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Know what's good for mosquitoes? ....
Let 'em bite you. They enjoy that.

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Bystander: "I see you are putting up a new building."
Foreman: "This company has a strict policy. We never put up an old one."

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"What are you doing?"

Baby lion: "I'm chasing a hunter around a tree."

"How many times have I told you not to play with your food?"

joke

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. . .

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"